On Friday afternoon, I went to Manchester for a seminar with the Rev. Dr. David Olsen, Executive Director of the Samaritan Counseling Center of the Captial Region in Scotia, New York. The seminar, When Helping Starts to Hurt: The Need for Clear Boundaries, was offered by Pastoral Counseling Services and The New Hampshire Conference of the United Church of Christ.
Even though Friday is normally my day off, I went to the seminar and am glad that I did. There I met many other ministers. Dr. Olsen's presentation gave us much to consider. We have mandatory Boundary Awareness Training in the Conference, but this expanded my understanding in helpful ways. Dr. Olsen contends, and I believe it to be true, that the lesser boundary violations that happen in the course of one's ministry may lead to more severe situations. It is true that "we violate boundaries daily." Even though these are not as egregious as sexual boundary violations (misconduct), they are also cause for concern. These boundary crossings can also lead to great trouble for us and for those we serve.
I gained a deeper awareness that habitually crossing my professional boundaries will lead to (a) burnout and/or (b) to misconduct. From my experience, I would add a third outcome: Mischief. A minister who is not aware of her/his limits will cause injury and harm in a congregational system. Such trouble may not rise to the level of misconduct, but the minister is living at the edge, functioning in a way that is not a worthy example for others to follow. It is not leadership that builds up the church.
Consider a river whose waters have risen above flood stage. The waters rush beyond the boundaries of its banks, sweeping away adjacent homes, roads, and crops. The overflowing of personal and professional boundaries creates destruction in the communities where we live and serve. The devastation caused in the souls of the people around us will linger long after repair crews have gone and life seems to be "normal" again. Churches are haunted by the effects of misconduct for generations. It is exceedingly difficult to exorcise the demons from their systems.
Well, that's enough theory. Dr. Olsen spoke to my boundary breaking when he said, in effect, "Saying no is one of the most important boundary setting activities clergy can practice." My schedule is often overbooked--not because people ask too much of me, but because I have not set good limits. My ego tempts me to believe that I can do everything; but my mind, body, and spirit collapse in exhaustion. Such ministry gets marked by mediocrity. I have not said "No" enough. Professor Walter Brueggemann taught a class on preaching the Old Testament when I was a student at Eden Seminary. I remember him saying, "Tired preachers preach tired sermons." I know that to be true; but even more, I know that a weary preacher has lost his/her ability to be self-reflective and self-aware. It's hard to assess how we are doing in ministry when we are too tired to think, reflect, and pray.
So, here it is: "No." I'm rehearsing it this morning. It is important that I know my priorities and set appropriate boundaries (and keep them) for this ministry. Busyness is not an excuse for burning out, hollowing out, and dying out. Yes, I am grateful to have been at the seminar to last Friday; but next time . . . . No.
No comments:
Post a Comment