Friday, May 4, 2018

Friends and Friendliness

In the United Church of Christ Ministerial Code, those who serve in the church make this promise:  "Relying on the grace of God, I covenant with my ministry setting to preach and teach the gospel without fear or favor, regarding all persons with equal respect and concern, and undertaking to minister impartially."

I have seen the destructive effects of breaking this promise.  In times of conflict, pastors are tempted to sort a congregation into camps--my supporters verses my detractors, my friends verses my foes.  Moving beyond ministering "impartially" can have a devastating impact on a church for decades to come.  It is not only unwise to have friends in the church; it is unprofessional and unethical. 

I am thinking a lot about friendship this week because the gospel text from John 15:9-17 is about friendship with Jesus.  He says, "I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father" (Jn. 15:15, NRSV).  Friendship with Jesus is to be drawn into the circle of awareness.  Friends are trusted.  They receive full disclosure of what God is doing.

I can remember a pastor who went to lunch every week with the same couples in the congregation.  There was a specialness and familiarity in the relationship that did not extend to other members.  I do not know the level of conversation that occurred in those weekly lunches, but there was the appearance of closeness and friendship.  I suspect that those friends of the pastor were more deeply aware of things that were happening.  They may also have had first-hand knowledge of their pastor's heart.  As a young member in the church, I was never included in those table conversations.  I was not invited.  How does one undertake to "minister impartially" in such a scenario? 

Here's what I believe to be faithful to the code of conduct:   I will be friendly toward all and to be present with all for the sake of the gospel of Jesus Christ, but I cannot be the friend of a few.  Ministering impartially means that all receive my time and attention.  All are respected and have a right to expect that I will be available for counsel and care.  All can trust that I will maintain appropriate professional boundaries and keep confidences.  My sermons are not preached to win friends or to ostracize enemies. 

I am writing this today to reflect and to remind myself of my calling, for it is a high and challenging calling.  It would be far easier, to say, "These are my friends, my advocates, my benefactors in ministry.  I will allow their insights and influence to shape my ministry."  For the sake of the church that is and will yet be,  I will be friendly, but I cannot be a friend.

 

No comments:

Post a Comment